Tuesday, 30 June 2009
how careless you are with my heart,
accepting with such disregard
affection I can’t help but send your way.
Not uncaring, but so unaware
how you play me for a fool
with no intention, no idea.
Creating chaos with a glance,
devastation in one soft sigh.
And when we touch,
in your innocent arms I am lost,
sparking on sunbursts and iridescence,
thrust into a fantasy of requital.
And for an instant my world shimmers.
Then reality returns,
and somehow it slips away
and we go back to being
just good friends..
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Friday, 12 June 2009
I haven't quite gotten round to going to bed yet tonight (last night...), My head is beginning to feel it right about now, so off soon for a few hours.
I just heard the bells of a local church tolling, though, and it reminded me of some years back, when I was up around this time. I'd stayed up to finish reading 'Chocolat', and heard those same bells. The whole thing resulted in the poem below.
Somehow sad and bittersweet
Like memories of holidays spent with relatives long since vacated
A crystallite-nostalgia, fey-like in the heat
Fragile and frayed memory of childhood days
Clear as the haze on holiday-packed tarmac
Ice-cream hands and sugar-sweet stains
Traipsing it all back home again
To the sound of crying in the rain
Irrational fear of what just may be
Constant craving for what never was
Elaborate fantasy replayed to perfection
Touched and tempered by cruel intentions
Streaked through with crying in the night
All that has not yet passed is yet to come
And hardly ever a thought of what is
In haste overlooked and unreflected
In favour of memories soon to be made
Enmeshed in the clamour of times half –forgotten
Anticipation of the to come enlivens
Fatal attraction to the irrepressible evoked
Mingle and dwindle to four seasons in one day
Scuppered by cunning, ticking streams
Moments elude and slip by without apology
The snapshots blur and outlines smudge
And now is imagined, a study in quicksilver
Sitting back to observe and absorb in the name of love
A vague lesson in suspended animation
Subdued in the reverberation of the chimes crying freedom
Monday 19/8/02; 4am-5am
Sunday, 7 June 2009
struggle to recreate me,
transform, inhabit a different she
one closer to the ideal that he,
in my mind, would rather see
to become another
for the sake of one other
who is, in fact, yet to discover
that i wish he could be lover, brother, child, and mother
there is no way on God’s good earth
that, not with child, i can give birth
to a new me that is somehow worth
what i have deemed to be his dearth
i set aside pretension,
accept futile re-invention
will no way stem apprehension
at the truth I’m still too scared to mention
or yet accept - somehow, someway,
the way I am right now, today,
the me I see, trembling at he,
is the only she I’ll ever be
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Twinkling all over, head to toe dazzling,
Radiate the magnificence of my mood.
And all is excellent, fantastic, amazingly sublime.
Crazy feeling, love and affection
Bubbling over to bursting point,
Beaming on through forbidden grin.
But all the while,
As this good feeling glows,
As it skitters, and scatters, threatens to explode
A mass of endorphins; too buzzed to contain
Shooting fireworks of fancy out of my brain,
A part of me waits for that fuzzy feeling to fizzle out,
The part that knows how all silver linings come with a catch.
Prediction, even through this glittering, glorious, sun-drenched dance,
Of the storm fast approaching my personal joyville.
These light tapping feet will drag to despondency
In the murk of the gloom that is bound.
And it promises dense, that feeling;
It will crumple and crush as I reach
That dip at the end of this rollercoaster.